The more I walked through this season of uncertainty, the more God reassured me of His promise in Hebrews 13:5, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." In this season of my life, God has used the writings of Charles Spurgeon to bring me peace just when I begin to unravel at the edges. I remember one night laying my head on the pillow with a heart full of worry. Before going to sleep, I read the evening portion of Spurgeon's daily devotion. These were his words, "Trust in Him at all times." Psalm 62:8"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."
It was in this time of waiting that I could clearly see God changing me. Even though I had embraced adoption, I still placed limitations on what I would be willing to do. I really wanted a baby. I was okay with the idea of adopting a toddler, but I didn't want an older child. I didn't want a sibling group. Those were my stipulations, so to speak. Well.... I cannot tell you clearly enough that God, unmistakeably, CHANGED my heart. I began to consider adopting an older child. When I spoke to Blaine about it, I found out that he was considering it also. Now this was a HUGE deal for the both of us, because we had said all along that we just couldn't do that. We felt too inexperienced to adopt an older child. We also had concerns about behavior. We were down right afraid. It 's funny how we declare we can't do something and suddenly God makes us able. I began to let go of the desire to experience everything that goes along with having a baby, and I started to realize the need for children of all ages to be adopted. How could I ignore their needs simply to satisfy my own desires? Instead of imagining all of the things I would "miss out" on by adopting an older child, I began to consider all of the wonderful things I would be able to enjoy. Blaine and I were both excited to see what the future held for us.
Well, you'll never guess what happens next...... or maybe you will. :)