I have to start out by saying that I intended to write this post upon our return from Pathways training at the beginning of the month, but we have been going nonstop since we returned (hence the blogpost 2 weeks past due). Now, where to begin?
As I shared with you in the last post, I had been experiencing a real low point (emotionally) in our journey. The weight of our adoption expenses had taken its toll on me. Fear had begun to cripple my once lion-hearted zeal to take this adoption by the horns, and overcome every obstacle that stood in our way. I started to believe it just wasn't financially possible. I began to wrestle with inward doubt, accompanied by outward shame. I was ashamed to admit to my family and friends that I no longer embodied mountain moving faith, but rather I found myself in the low valley, where doubt and fear were my closest friends. Beth Guckenberger references a situation like my own in her book entitled "Relentless Hope." When referencing how hard it can be to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus amidst our greatest difficulty, she writes these words:
"How do we live in the midst of this broken world, getting our feet tripped up on all sorts of places, and not look down more than we look up? When we find our story has taken on a dark chapter, either by our own wanderings, or someone else's, do we close our eyes and muddle through? Do we just stay there, now that the consequential scar might stand out, obvious to all? Do we keep our mouths shut until our story has a bow on the end of it and now can be properly considered a 'testimony'? Romans 8:28 is a promise that whatever we might be experiencing today is just one chapter in a story He is writing and the story isn't over yet."
That just says it all. As raw and uncomfortable as some of the chapters in my life's story may be, the author is God Himself, who ordains all things according to His purposes and my good, as His child. How can I not trust Him? He has called me and Blaine to adopt these children, and HE WILL PROVIDE. I hope, with all the HOPE that is in me, that God shocks the socks off of everyone who hears our story and provides the finances in the biggest way imaginable... not that we would receive any benefit, but that HE might receive ALL THE GLORY for HIS MIGHTY POWER that is able to accomplish the most IMPOSSIBLE of impossibilities.
I have so much to share about what we learned at Pathways, but it deserves a post all it's own. :) Unfortunately, I will have to postpone writing it until later this week, but that will give you time to have your Kleenex ready....