5 years

This week we celebrated 5 years together. If someone had sat me down on February 6, 2013 and told me what the next 5 years had in store, I would've run for the hills and I definitely wouldn't have gotten on a plane to Colombia. It has been the hardest 5 years of my life. Actually "hard" doesn't even describe it. 

In my last post, almost a year ago, we were in the midst of a struggle with one of the girls. What I didn't know then (only 9 days in) was that it was only the beginning of one of the longest "cycles" we had ever endured with her. A cycle that led to her running away a month and a half later. We were stunned that, after everything we had been through - 4 years of walking the trenches with her and feeling as though we had made progress with her, she would revert all the way back to the beginning. We experienced all of the fear and humiliation that we experienced on the day she ran 4 years prior. It was rock bottom. The events of that day were ugly and painful and I cringe to even recall it. It cut deeper this time because this time we had a relationship with her. There were feelings of betrayal and distrust. It was easier to accept the first incident because she didn't know us, we were strangers. In the beginning she didn't know what trust was, let alone HOW to trust someone. But that was THEN, shouldn't it have been different NOW? The truth is, her past is like a deep scar that she carries with her. Sometimes, events and experiences re-open the wound and when that happens, it takes her right back to that place of pain all those years ago. 

To take this child into our home was to take her pain, too. Her pain has become our pain. And do you know what's beautiful about that? We can take it all... all of that big ol', deep, overwhelming pain to Jesus and as His love surrounds us, like the warmest hug you've ever felt, He absorbs it ALL. All of the fears, all of the tears, all of the wounds, all of the scars, ALL OF THE PAIN. 

You see, we had to feel the pain in order to experience His healing - we had to walk in darkness to appreciate the light. God purposed the pain to bring her to a place of peace. I am overjoyed to tell you that God is at work in her heart! We have seen a transformation before our very eyes. It was not magic and it was not over night, but it was and continues to be GRACE! By God's mercy and grace, she is being made new. The words to this song say it best - it has become one of my favorites, such a beautiful picture of what God is doing in her life and in the life of our family!

I was hopeless, I knew I was lost
Death and Darkness were my only songs
I needed someone to come rescue me
and mercy heard my plea

You gave me beauty for my guilty stains
and now I'm living day to day by His grace
so excuse me if I can't contain my praise
because I know that I've been saved

Lord, You found me
You healed me, You called me from the grave
You gave me Your real love, I thank you Jesus
You washed my sins away
and now I'm living like I'm forgiven
You came and set me free
that's what Your mercy did for me!

We ask that you join us in prayer for our girl - that God would continue to do a renewing work in her life that would lead to confession, repentance, and saving faith. I look forward to sharing what God continues to do in and through us as we walk this path called adoption.